Happy times are here, I hope it stays. I haven't got so many things to worry about except that we're running out of toothpaste and we have to remember to buy now 'cuz tomorrow it'll all be gone and eeoww. Really, we must not forget today ... BUY TOOTHPASTE!
And now, I wanna share to you about the person who is very good with his in-laws ... yup, eyes rolling, goose bumping, jaw clenching in-laws ... But for my one true love, that is NO hassle. He is dear to my parents as much as they are dear to him ... aawww. I sometimes even wonder if I'm their "real", true-to-life daughter that they take his side when we have some rows! While I, could not imagine being left alone with his mom or will I be able to share a room with her for more than an hour ... I'm just too shy or just too worried to make mistakes in front of her... besides not being able to speak their hometowm dialect, my relationship with my in-laws are quite/slightly/gently doomed from the start... BUT surely, I' am working on understanding words and phrases, that I now could catch up with what they're saying ... I just couldn't speak it, not anytime soon! ... and when I practice, he hardly recognizes what I just said and laughs. poor you.
Language/Dialect barrier, how bad can it be? For relationships not to flourish? ... bad. You can't really build that much out of elaborate gestures and smiles all throughout what seems like a conversation. While my hubby speaks mine since he studied in the city I lived in and though I understand some, I never could speak other dialects except my own ...
TRIVIA: In my province, Albay (popular for the Mt. Mayon) travel 15 mins. to another town and you will already be greeted with a different dialect! ... Travel 15 minutes more and another dialect ... the farther you travel, the more dialects you'll encounter.
AND so that is not easy. It's just not an excuse for not bonding well with my in-laws, it really is not easy. (believe me.) I swear!
The point is: Some people are just good with people and some people are like me, who needs more time to relax and be at ease with her surroundings, to sort through her brain some possible topics that one could discuss with in-laws and hopefully they elaborate in answering to avoid that awkward silence. You can never guess how jealous I am of people who can instantly be cool and get on with a conversation with someone they just met! Like, where do you get that??? What do you say? ... It's also a part of our culture that you can never be in a room with someone and say nothing. You can say "kumusta po?" ... (how do you do?/how are you?) then ask about occupation, school, kids, address, home province ... while nodding and smiling a lot ... and then try to make a connection between the things he/she said and yours. viola! is that it??? Are those the things you say even to in-laws? Because I can definitely deal doing that. Maybe with the same confidence as in meeting a new friend ... I'm brilliant with new friends and my old friends.
AND my parents, oh! they are the greatest, they welcomed our husbands into their home like their own sons. Even introduced my hubby to some friends and cousins over lunch last Saturday as being kind and devoted. *blush**blush* (I'm the proud owner!)
If only my in-laws could say the same about me...
3 comments:
Thats a ruff situation but Im sure you make the best of it :)
I think, and I'm being very practical here, the very first t hing you should do is learn the language. It would go a long way to showing that you wish to have a relationship. I don't think you should be perfect and I think your husband should practice with you seriously. Express to him your sincere desire to learn and be prepared to make mistakes and find the humour in them, but make a honest effort. I bet they are wonderful people and as frustrated as you are by the language barrier and maybe as nervous as you are about the relationship.
and then, be yourself. You are wonderful, you love their son, what more can inlaws want? If they aren't happy with that, there is not pleasing them anyway.
Also, meanwhile, can you compose a nice, short, heartfelt message to them and have it translated into their letter and send it to them, explain your wish to have a relationship, your joy of their son and send it as a gift, a card, with much love. I think they would like that and it would go a long way to breaking down some walls.
Breeze
Good luck!
I agree with Breeze. I am from Europe and I had a Chinese girlfriend. It was hard to learn the basics, but I did and it was easier to blend it. Language opens hearts.
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