fire.

The hugest, scariest fire I've seen in my life happened just a few minutes ago! A view outside my office window was a Condo unit on fire. It was white smoke at first then became black and suddenly the whole room had burst into flames! We could see the balcony being licked by huge rows of fire, consuming the whole room! We could see the ceiling dropping, the airconditioning melting, curtains burning rapidly in seconds, we were sooo shocked and worried that it might reach other units and for anyone who might get trapped as thick, black smoke was coming out of the nearby shaft and was later in flames too with bluish in color, indicating "gas". uh.oh!

Fire trucks have swarmed the place, traffic was closed on both sides of the building, tenants were all evacuated to the parking lot as we watched in anticipation on how the Firemen will stop the raging flames at the 24th Floor of a condo bldg.

4 hrs. later after thick smoke and blackened exterior walls ... The firemen declared fire out! amazing are those fire fighters! How did they do it? It didn't spread throughout the building, though the unit where it all started is "burnt" badly! I think they did a pretty good job by just containing the fire to one unit if it cannot be stopped at once. We feel so bad for the people who lived there, it's a devastating sight, I swear! We just saw their whole place ignited and burnt in less than 2 hours and we couldn't do anything but watch. Hmmnn... yeah insurances will cover them all but you know, all life's work in ashes just in hours! tsk. how sad ... but GOOD thing no persons or animal was harmed! From a fire like that, I just wished so bad that they don't own a pet or something, 'cuz I'd really be crying! Thank God there's no one harmed.

HE talked to me.

Just as I was having all these wondering about LIFE. I had a revelation today (if you call it that) while my mom had to literally drag me to church ... I know, I sound like a toddler for not liking to sit still for long and listening to long monotonous sermon! BUT as always I tend to surprise myself each time I make this kind of statement ... I was listening attentively and was singing hymns ... Well, that tells me something ... I'm back ... I should be. After listening to the reading and the verses that speaks about death and life and a girl who had bleeding problems and was cured when she touched Jesus' garment, hah! if that isn't an outright message to me, I don't know what is! Yeah, I really think the message was linked to my "stupid" human idea of I'm smarter than what I'm told. I know, there are plenty people inside the church, it was packed that people are standing on the aisles (as in every mass!) I just wonder how can the world be so cruel when the churches are filled with churchgoers every Sunday! I just wish people will do more good after being immersed in the place of worship. Well ... yeah that many people BUT I really, really know in my heart that the message was for me. Personally delivered by God to my tainted heart and withering soul! It was a message for me as it starts with the book of Wisdom, talking about death, that death is not from God but is overcomed by God when He resurrected ... you see? there is HOPE! haha ... just like what I wrote in my previous blog ... I wanna know HOPE. AND there it is, through the words in my Sunday mass. How brilliant was the explanation that it felt personal. Like it was intended for me and how accurate the message were.

Imagine, my recent visits to the Doctor are brought about my "bleeding" condition and that I was already subjected to get a D&C, so as to get tissue samples for biopsy. Twice that the procedure had to be suspended due to some "causes" ... like the 1st one, I had caught the colds and cough, that the Doc hesitated to proceed with the D&C because I had "cough" infection and fever for 2 days... the second time I was already lying in the operating room, lab gown on and was being asked questions trying my hardest to recall my medical history ... when the resident Doc had known I had eaten breakfast, she said ... we can't proceed unless the anesthesiologist says it's OK because patients should not take anything by mouth 8 hrs. prior the surgery ... darn!!! I had eaten bread and drunk hot chocolate! ^-^ Well, I wasn't told to do so ... my Doc has memory problems and I know myself too well to forget things like that! My husband was sooo mad that we decided to consult a new Doctor!!! The next day was Sunday and that's when we went to mass ... the reading was about a 12 yr. old girl who has "bleeding" problems and was healed by her faith. Coincidence??? Well, what a good coincidence that the reading at Church has answers for my doubts and medical condition! weird and amazing. "Now you see." mom said.

It's pretty awesome how God talks. How I feel small and "stupid" for ever doubting and letting the thoughts of death be painful. I know it is painful ... for our mere human understanding, it is painful ... it is unimaginable pain ... but HEAVEN is a promise by God. Who am I to challenge that?

some thoughts on hope

I know I'm crazy to think that Michael Jackson had just set up his own death and still is living somewhere watching his own life tributes going... like some BIG conspiracy theory of putting him out of the limelight just like what (Elvis Presley?!) did... but when I read about his family wanting a second autopsy because they weren't convinced with the 1st one ... damn! he really is DEAD... a part of my cherished childhood memory ... died with him ... =(

It's life afterall, we will all have to move on from this and as my husband say: "Don't talk about death as if there's no hope..." as I'm just sad to hear news like this and is worried about how the future will be, knowing that this is part of LIFE. We will all gonna be left and we will all gonna be leaving ... *sigh* HOPE as he says lies in his FAITH. I admire that he lives in such peace that life after death exists in heaven, as simple as we were told as kids. "There is heaven!" and when we die we go there if we are worthy and good. AS simple as that my husband lives in total surrender and joy... while I ... hmnn ... sad to say I have wavering spirituality. When sadness strikes, when pain strikes, when doubt strikes, I'm at loss... tsk.tsk. I do pray, I do. But sometimes, my "human" nature is too strong to defy, I have such complicated thoughts about life and complex understanding of living! I dont know why I can't take SIMPLE explanations like "because fate talks" or because "that's the way it is" I mean, I wanna know, I wanna be prepared, I wanna be warned against hurt.

... BUT on the other hand... I wanna STOP asking, I wanna STOP challenging God and the heavens ... I wanna accept the fact that LIFE is not forever and that is absolute! Life is that definite and short ... I could use some FAITH, really. I wanna let go and live like I used to be ... like WE all used to be as a CHILD. Trusting and RESILIENT. That no matter the pain and no matter the betrayal ... we still could LOVE, LAUGH and PLAY life through without a thought of giving up. Because we don't NEED a lot to HOPE, it's just letting go.

the world outside

well, I missed doing this... writing on my dear ol' blog and having time to read all that I follow ... I'm sooo not in sync with the world right now that I spent the whole day yesterday in the office ('meaning until 12 midnight!) not knowing that there was a devastating storm inside the country that left 9 people dead on the nearby provinces.... NOW, Michael Jackson is dead?! OH MY *gosh* --- how could he die on me?! I haven't been to any of his concerts because I was just too poor to go when I was young...Now, he's dead and all the memory he left me is a compilation of his albums in TAPE. yes! in TAPE. CDs weren't in existent when I got his album, I'm planning to buy one now ... tsk.tsk. Regardless of the controversies and his ..."physical" mutation ... he's got the BEST songs ever, no doubt he is a Legend. What a sad ending ... I hope he had known happiness before dying. It's just weird now that famous people of my generation is one by one being plucked from my tree of inspiration and admiration! I mean ... they're all up there! Though I'm not a fanatic, it just makes my world a better place to know that these people exists but now ... LIFE gave us another moment to realize what life is worth, how short and fragile it is ... It's just a weird feeling that I'm watching TV and there's really a vigil going on, fans are lighting up candles and offering flowers ... it's just sooo surreal. Famous people like him and ... oh! Farrah Fawcett is gone too ... jeez! how sad is Hollywood now ... tsk.

When my husband saw the news first thing in the morning on TV, I was like "NO WAY ... ows! no, that can't be true ... it could just be a conspiracy to let him go into hiding and be given a different identity!" You know, like what they supposedly did with Elvis ... though not proven, it's one of those mysteries fans would wanna believe in... than him being just dead and gone. It's a sort of consolation.

*sigh* anyway ... Life, we will all see these things happening but we can NEVER be prepared... one will always feel sad and thinking ...

losing the spark

'Taking breaks from the blogging world was not my idea (promise!) It's my works' idea of keeping me off the net while I work overtime, finishing up on drawings for a visual mock-up (in layman's term: ... ) err ... why do I lose words when translating a technical term into basic?!!! uhmm ...because it's probably gonna bore you! haha WELL, it's a simulation in scaled proportion of how the cladding of glass or aluminum will actually look based on the Architect's design... and we have to work really fast on it, given the deadlines and the manufacturing that's coming all the way from China. (boring.)

Anyway, yes there are many thoughts that plagued my mind throughout the time that I wasn't writing...I had a thought of becoming a radio DJ ... haha yes!!! I want to be that, I'd quit my job (for the -nth time!) I was saying I'm gonna quit my job to do make-up! haha now, I wanna quit it to be a DJ ... the one that talks non-stop on the radio about things and it's like a "one-way" conversation most of the time, which is good 'cuz don't want anyone arguing with me especially when I'm dead tired! I just wanna be quiet and left alone in a corner while my brain processes these thoughts of becoming a DJ! WOW, it just dawned on me ... I'm being bored to death by what I'm doing for a living ... I used to be sooo inlove with it BUT now, I just lost the magic. hmmnn...maybe it's really time to change careers! haha (stupid idea) now that the world is in financial crisis and people are losing jobs, I'm quitting mine 'cuz I'm bored! (how proud of me!) Well, that's just the whole point of it ... I'm staying in my job because it pays ... pays well! BUT if my heart would wanna work ... I'd like to be on the "creative" side of work ... NOT in some technical-number precised-work. I'm exhausted ... that's all.

Maybe that's what it is. I'm just tired today, maybe I wont be a DJ. Maybe I wont be anywhere near the "creative" side of jobs, maybe I'll grow old and retire doing these straight lines, perfect ellipses, perfect circles ... skyscrapers can be boring ... like this. =(

how sad that I lost the magic.

I love you Dad!

A Greek short film

...and I just said to myself while a friend of mine posted this on her facebook that I wont get carried away by another "emotional" video, that none of these things will ever make me cry at all, after seeing so many of these, I just refuse to be a crying mess! BUT as usual ... whenever I gear myself on something too much ... I'm a wreck. I guess I haven't learned how to stop myself each time!!! This film is short yet has struck a string into my soul that resonates guilt and shame. I'm probably not alone in this feeling, that sometimes we are too impatient for the elders and our parents that we never realize what it was like when we were small and they had to teach us almost all things we know. Imagine how they had to clothe, feed and hold us so we'll never fall while learning how to walk. 'Just the same, when our parents are too old to be feeding by themselves, to be clothing by themselves and to be walking by themselves, it's time for us kids to be there for them because they were never too busy to do it while we were needing them.

---

Anyway, it's a good cry, not a cry of loneliness but a cry of times that I wish I could spend more with dad. But as you know, we live far and now that mom and my brother is here ... I'm so guilty I'm making him spend Father's Day without us! But I'm sure my sister and her family will spend this day with him ... Happy Father's Day Dadi!!! I love you, I always say I do with the hugest hug in the world and the loudest kiss!!!

You know, it's not hard to be communicating all these thoughts of love with my dad on this very special day anymore because he is 60 years old and uses a cellphone! I think every dad now has a cellphone, so why not just call or send over a text message or with a picture message that says: Happy Father's Day! That's what I'm going to do ... when I'M DONE WRITING MY BLOG. haha...

Well, my dad Jose ... 'always the strongest, tallest, bravest person I know in the world. He used to carry both me and my sister in his arms and swirl us around the room while mom laughs and cheers. That's when we were kids, small and needing protection, small and believing in super heroes! When my brother came, he was a proud dad. My brother is named after him, Joseph. They would spend every Sunday together going out to play, buying comic books and ice cream. They call it: "Bunso Day" which means dad's day for the youngest one in the family who is my brother. Dad never gets mad, he's a man of few words, he was quiet and patient. When he says he'd be there, he'd be there on time! ... so NO excuses that the "dance" didn't finish on time ... haha, yeah, he'd pick me up from my High School Dance or parties, or the beach -- I'm like the girl who's always had dad and mom on the wing... ^^

My dad, most of the time just loves cleaning up his things and stuff in the garage. He spends most of his hours tinkering on cars, he loves cars! That's what he's good at, cars! Our family car is always on tip-top shape, that he's got many people wanting their cars fixed and tuned up by him, it had become a business at some point, that we had sold car parts and supplies that put us through school. Now dad is I guess, retired from doing that business ... it just slowed down for him when BIG car companies started putting up huge car supplies and dealership that had put him and other small players well "out-of-business." BUT, his love for cars and collecting rare parts didn't fizzle, he still spends time scrubbing, cleaning and restoring things, like any other collectors do. That's my dad's thing. If other dads got fishing and golf, my dad has 'car parts' thing goin' on!

I think good dads deserve as much shown love like we show mom.

... I love my dadi, he's forever be my number 1 guy (husband wouldn't mind!) ...

Happy Father's Day!

of mothers,brothers and daughters

Sleep was tooo bad but it was because I got pretty excited my mom and brother is coming over to visit. So we spent the night, tidying up our place, skewing and moving about furnitures to see if the place would get any larger (?!) But nah! urban-apartment living can't get any better ... (yeah, in-a-bad-way.) Space is just too precious around here, that I haven't seen too many places with large rooms, except maybe if you live around those expensive villages with security, or Condos that cost millions, yeah ... you'll get your space! But for us, as typical-hard-working members of society, who had happen to live in the province all our lives until work ... WE get this place. Where one could see the whole house by just standing at the door step. ^^ Anyway, for starters, this is OK. It's accessible to the office, grocery, church, hospital, parks, museums. YES, getting a place like this with all the amenities close by is tough, so we stick around though we are lacking room for my closet alone!


Anyway, that's not really why I'm here. I know I haven't written anything for 2 days ...'been very, very busy at work, 'been sick all the time and had lots of stresses lately. BUT, here I am alive and will sort things through. promise. I wont be hiding away from the world and not communicating, especially with my Doctor who had to see me for my test results, but I did not make it because we were rushing on things at work that I had to work overtime while having the flu. aaarrrggghhh....

Beautiful just beautiful how my world is just so crowded right now, with lots of things going on that I'm starting to feel tired and crumbling inside. and I just wonder what more for others who have worse? ... how do you deal when your body is your enemy?! There is no escape...

Well for that, when you can't seem to get away ... we have mothers and brothers who'd make you realize that you still belong. That besides having a life of your own and the love of your own, after leaving the house and tried finding yourself, YOU will only realize that finding yourself is better when you have your ground.

That yes, I was like the others who wanted to go as far from home as possible to be my own person. BUT lately ... at 28 ( too soon?) I realize that I'm becoming more and more of the person that my "mother" is!!! ... the way I talk, the way I run my marriage ... (hehe), the way I act on certain things kinda resembles my mother, even at times that I hated to react on it that way! I am going to be like my mother (I figured.) 'tried to deny it for sooo many years that I will NOT be like her (on some things) BUT I am becoming ... HER.

Will I ever avoid it? avoid it, YES. Stopping it? NO. I think it will go on and on in the family, for as long as there are women in the family, YES! haha. I think my sister does too ...'think that she has some characters instilled in her by growing up in the same house and having the same values, she too will have our mother's character in some ways ... BUT I think she's a subtle version of her, she's got all the good side ... of being nurturing and loving, of being smart and confident. While I ... I don't know exactly what I got but my husband does tell me ...

-"you are sounding like your mother each time ..." (yikes! haha)

-"Oh, I'll tell her you said that" and he's like,

- "why? what's wrong with sounding like your mother?"

... haha, Oh, I know what he means by that! BUT, mothers ... I appreciate them more now that I find myself being at the place where I want to be (working my way into the BIG city), now that I spend my own cash and buying toiletries, kitchen and "carpentry" stuff ... all the none "glamorous" plumbing stuff, that only mothers wouldn't mind shopping for... I appreciate them more now that I live away from our family house that I just miss home cooking ... err ... wait, my dad cooks! He does the cooking all the time!!! (because he cooks better!) haha ... and now that home cooking means "my" cooking, it's not the same. Home cooking is always the best, because I get fed without having to worry how it happened!

hmmnnn... mother.... i cannot thank you enough! So, where does the brother come in this tale? Well, brothers are like brothers ... they just come and eat and play and do housework. I'm close with my brother, he's like the male version of me ... only that, he's more... cool and relaxed. I watched him grow, he's just a baby in 1986 and now he's 6 ft. 1 inch tall, and trying to find his way into this world... finishing University and looking for a job ... well, I hope he finds it easy ...I hope the world wont be as bad as I know it is for some, I hope he gets his goals right ... because he loses focus at times ...'spending lots of nights with the boys out and that's what he's gotta learn how to control ... his time! Well, I'm sure he'll figure things out and I'm sure he's gonna be OK as life goes. He deserves good stuff 'cuz he's a nice guy.

Wrapping things up! I'm glad they are here, because when I get exhausted with life, I can be just a daughter taking orders from my mother like the way it's supposed to, even if it's my house our culture says that whoever is the oldest person in the house rules!!! so ... i'm chilli'n, i'm just a daughter and my husband is just a son, we are all kids in this house as long as there's a mother!

we are all somebody's child for life afterall.

MM: never before seen photos of her.

These candid photos were taken pre-stardom of Norma Jean Dougherty. You might wanna see more, click here. (LIFE Magazine)

Earth and Sky

Inspiration Board 001: I like BLUE. For some reason I just did today. I was never a BLUE person ...('and literally.) because RED has always been ME. But today, I like BLUE, very pure, very relaxing, easy to pair with. I think blue works for some things that black can't. It's bold but not intimidating.

I put together BLUE and EARTH + WHITE, inspired by the Mediterranean shores.
The Palette:

Dark Denim
Rustic Brown
Halo White

Credits:
Sweet Dreams-Pillows, Feng Shui Textiles-furniture, design-newyork.com-Frame, lampsontheweb.com-lamp

thoughts weaved into strokes.

Yesterday were about lots of thoughts ... and when I'm thinking too much, I lose words for it, that I just start doodling ... After so many strokes and thoughts consumed, I ended up having a bunch of blue roses. Each stroke has a thought embedded to it.

Don't worry, it's not entirely about somber thoughts. They were many different things as I'm not capable of handling just one thought! haha... 'always been thinking too much and always ending up with a smile.

my superhero! xoxoxo

We were planning on to having a pretty much normal day when we ended up having to give BLOOD DONATIONS. err... what??? yes, we did ... Well, I decided to see my Doctor today because I don't wanna be absent at work anymore, so if she's IN this Saturday (which she is) I'd go see her ... AND SO, my husband did it for me and I was there in support. He was so sweet to do the donating and never had a second thought. He is Type O and I'm Type A but since I will be needing a stand by for my "minor" surgery, he is donating his own blood for replacement. That's how it works, NO money involved ... you get a bag of blood, you pay with "two" bags of blood, for which I didn't let my husband go through, he's a first time donor and though he was very persistent to give 2 bags... I said "NO" we will just have to look for another donor. One of our friends for sure will turn up as soon as we let them know!

He was smiling the whole time and we were laughing at times. He's feeling like a SUPERHERO, for having donated blood and saving lives. It was easy for him to get tested because he doesn't drink, doesn't smoke and has no tattoos. Usually those were the questions asked for the prospect donors and he immediately passed it in no less than 45 minutes!

I'm so touched by what he did and am now aware of the importance of shedding a bag of blood to save lives. It's a different feeling to see his blood in a bag and I was there cheering him on ... and that I wanted to touch the bag and feel it, like it's the most precious thing on earth!

We went home after where I was soooo good to him, I cooked meals, let him get rest, played a DVD for him to watch and made pineapple juice. All because he was so brave and nice.

I love him. ^-^ I'm proud.

my first ever award and I'm sharing!

ooohh! this is so great. I've never had an award before and I always thought that people who get it are ultra special and really are well deserving, until I got mine from the lovely Erin (From MISS to MRS...) thank you ....and I'm like: .... OK ... maybe I'm cool ... yes, maybe I'm cool ... but then again, yes! maybe I'm cool! haha *blush**blush*

...and here it is, my first ever.



The Rules:

1. Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.

2. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you have newly discovered.Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

---
~ Now the "15" blogs I have newly discovered part is tough to fill (that's quite a lot! ^-^), but surely I know some people who deserves this too, (some I've known for a while) providing me with great reads, they are:

Breeze Daze - because she writes beautiful poems and posts with a lot of soul.

Clouds and Silvery Linings -because he writes wonderfully and with humor. He makes all of his readers feel important.

Robin In Reality - because she too is fascinated with life as told in her stories of everyday.

Sa-Sea Boutique - because I like her! she's got lots of eye-candy in her blog and I like pretty things.

The Perfect Palette - because she is fantastic with colors and I love the colors she uses to inspire weddings.

His and Hers: Discoveries into our Marriage

Some fun to realize things into our 5.5 months of marriage. Yeah! we still have a lot to learn from each other that this wont be the last time you'll see a post like this!

My idea of entertainment

His idea of entertainment
my idea of a TV show

His idea of a TV show


My idea of music

His idea of music

My idea of a weekend

His idea of a weekend

My idea of storage

His idea of storage

~end of series 1~

It all starts with Adam Lambert: I'm gay.

Actually, we know. I know. Who doesn't know?

... and so are 3 of my close friends who are looking more like the Bachelors women would wanna date, having great personalities, career, cars and buffed bodies. But yes, they are gay and I'm in no position to judge them for their preference, ultimately because they are good human beings. Not much because of their sexuality but because they are nice and are friends with me. Much so that Adam Lambert is good for what he does, singing rock! Whether he's gay or not has no effect on his talent. So, that's not an issue even now that he openly admits on Rolling Stone mag.

Actually, I have NO clear position on the subject of gay lifestyles and rights. I am, (like most of the people I know around here) are torn between what is conceived moral from being open to the "happiness of others" and freedom to choose whomever they want to be in life, without restriction! Apparently, there is nothing that really stops them from being whoever they want here in my country. As some who are openly gay to their community and families dress up like women and takes up women roles. They walk and act freely looking how they want to look and it's OK, nobody here discriminates them ... err... a few may be like what happened to Rustom, a male celebrity who went away and came back as a woman, as BB. Gandanghari. She went to a bar and was refused entry because she was "cross-dressing" which the bar bans. (But you cannot really argue with house rules, can you?) There are a lot of other bars who can welcome her anyway and a lot have despised what they did to her. I too did not like what they did in all fairness of her coming to the bar in a collected and decent manner, as person, as a customer. BUT THEN again it all goes back to "morality" issues, to gay rights and feedom ... and the long list of issues arising from it. Nevertheless, they are treated here more fairly when it comes to expressionism and jobs, as I have visited other countries and have not seen as many guys dressed as girls (or were they just too pretty and womanlike that I can't tell them apart?! ^-^) That here, we consider them as the most creative and artistic people. That I again! for one, would only TRUST a gay stylist. (period.)

On the other hand, there are metrosexuals who, (like my friends) are not into womens clothes at all! But are actually in very sleek, classy mens outfit, worthy of James Bond appeal. I guess the show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" had much to do with that look!That yeah, it leaves so many women heartbroken! But you know, they can be inspirations for men, to dress up smartly as they do and learn how to be well-groomed MEN with uncluttered apartment and with more than one pair of shoes! In fact, I don't mind that my man is a bit vain. That he has his own moisturizer and facial scrub. That he picks his own soap and shampoo. Well, there is nothing wrong if men could pick up a few tips on how to look good and take care of themselves from these guys...gays...guys...uhmm.gays.

The thing is:

Expressing who you are from within has no boundaries! For as long as you don't hurt anyone, you don't compromise your values and you don't do it without care. All our actions and thoughts accounts for who you are as a person to your family, friends and community.

It's still gonna be a long, long run. For as long as all the other forms of discrimination in the world are taken down, yours too wont be easy.

i shopped.

carved designs on dark wood bangles, Php 50 each (about $ 1.64)


Great for Office Shoes with 2" heels in Black @ Php 250 (about $ 5)

Great for Shopping etc. flat Shoes in choco brown denim and bronze accent @ Php 250 (about $ 5)

....Because your money can go along, long way around here. Especially for clothes, shoes and accessories. If you know where to find the best places to shop, spot good quality and haggle, haggle, haggle ... you'll find many great things!!! I found these things at St. Francis Square in Mandaluyong! Great buys all the time!

up and running!

Happily, I'm back from my lab tests and my (fun-to talk-with-like-a-long-lost-friend) Cardiologist, signed me a very positive recommendation, that yeah! my OB could take tissue samples from me and I'll be OK while she does. Only have a bag of blood Type A on standby because I apparently have Anemia! Anemia! That's it... Fantastic, that anemia thing I could easily correct with double dosing my Iron Vitamins. yum. I have NOOOO heart ailment whatsoever, that though the ECG has revealed a skip which later appeared to have normalized. I'm perfectly fine! How weird that I die for like 5 nanoseconds!!! haha ... but the doc said, I'm normal having climbed 4 flight of stairs when the elevator was taking too long and was afraid of missing my appointment with him! haha ... That was actually where I got my A+++ rating on my tests! ^-^

whew. That was a bit of a scare, wasn't it? That I thought I had more than the one I'm complaining about ...(the OB thing) ... whew. Health is wealth my dear friends and I just realized that I can't be suicidal. After all the lab tests that I had been through, the needles and tissue extracts?!Plus the exposure to people who are probably more sick than I am at the labs and clinics I went to?! jeez! There is no way I'd die without a battle.

And surely, I'm not just talking about health issues here. I'm talking about life itself. HOLD ON. There is just no other way in life than to live through it.

so take care.

down and out

It was bad yesterday, not as I expected to have a perfect bill of health and walk away the hospital feeling light and breezy! Now, it's a heart ailment I got. Somehow my ECG revealed a skip in the manner that my heart beats ... hmmnn... when will I get back into my normal self. I'm already getting annoyed of going back and forth the hospital and around sick people. OK, I'm counting myself with them but the thing is: I don't feel a thing. I feel great! I miss my daily routine, I want my life back. BUT this week will hardly be normal for me and maybe the next week too, as tests will continue. I hate this. That's all.

'gone sketching today

apples ... not yet ripe to eat! ^-^, oil pastel on paper.

Going under the knife. If only I'm a getting nose job!

'was out yesterday and again went to the Doctor. This time I got ECG in prep for the "tissue extraction" I'm undergoing for biopsy... it's just a minor surgery as my Doc said... but 'ya know, hearing the word surgery is like "whoa!" whether it's minor or major or whatever key it is ... uhmm ... haha.

Anyway, yeah of course I'm scared. I would be lying if I say I'm brave and I'm confident that many had had it and the risks are very low. I'm shivering inside, I just don't show it 'cuz hey! it's MINOR! 30 minutes and it's done. grrr... why am I so being negative?! I'm worried! Maybe it's the whole "putting-me-to-sleep" that's scary. I hate being not in control of things and not being able to know while I'm asleep. silly me! of course I don't see myself sleeping, has anyone have? weird!

It's the idea that I'd be put out of conscious while people I don't really know are around. Though it's a guaranteed 1st class hospital with celebrities and high profile people go to.heehee (thanks to my health card, I got access.) still... if only I could get around with it! I would.

hmmn... well, let's just pray things will work out fine and I'm sure you will all be there for me, in thoughts and in spirit. My husband and my mom will be there for me definitely! I'd never go to the hospital alone. NEVER.

ooopppsss. time to cut this short. I have a dinner with my hubby and our boss tonight! so... see ya later!

you light up our lives

Just a few minutes ago, we've finally fixed the curtain rod that goes on the window that has drilled holes that were too wide apart, thus making the rod short. How? Oh we gave it an extension made from bamboo sticks. Hardly visible when the curtain was up and is covering the joint. Brilliant! I so love it up there! I wanted it so bad to get fixed that whatever we could use to solve the problem, we tried it all!

Anyway, what's up with the lamp? We are getting that one from Regalong Pambahay, we chose a different color though, we're going for Light Brown, almost Khaki. To compliment our dark, mustard curtain. Now all we have to do is start boxing up some things that we will later rearrange, once all the "major" stuff are in place, (e.g. cabinets and containers) whew! The thrills of a newly married life.

Best time to Quit.

'Went to see the result of my ultrasound today and it was as brief as I expected it to be, as my Gynecologist have always made me wait longer than the consulation itself. I arrived 3o minutes earlier and she arrived 30 minutes late. I'm pissed. Yes, I am. I want to find another OB only for that reason. I don't know if she's just straightforward that I'm not quick enought to catch a phrase that she darts at me or she's just ... brief. As I said it a million times to anyone who asks me what the Doctor has had to say. brief. AND why not ask questions? ... yeah why not? Because I don't know what to ask, I'm sooo lost. I know, that my result has revealed a thickening of my endometrium that she needed to sample it and have a biopsy. It could be something serious, it could be not. It could be something bearable, it could be ... *sigh* We are not going there, I'm already nervous and scared as I can be with the procedures that I'm having. I had an X-ray and ... again 'have to be back 'cuz the result will come out this Saturday. I hate waiting. But it's how it works, it's not like I'm the only person in the world who has come to see a Doctor! So we'll wait.

Anyway, I have been loving all good things about life that I may have the tiniest thing to worry about. I can't be so selfish and give people around me the attitude just because I'm carrying around a thickened endometrium! I mean look! The sky is all gray and is bursting into cold rain every 2 hours, people get wet, get stuck in traffic, walk in flood wetting their shoes and socks on ... people do have other things on their own and I cannot be selfish. Bottomline is: If I begin hating life for why I'm bleeding and sick, I'd get nowhere but to sit and cry and let the good life pass by me! We will all have to deal with sickness anyway at some point in our lives. Some would make it through and some wouldn't. It is selfishness to not let go and wanting to live forever, that's why we should learn how to accept that life for others will go on and that the world will keep on going with or without us.

So if my lab tests are worse than I ever expected. This is Quitting. This is quitting for a quitter that is not going to wallow on the bitter side of life. But is quitting for others to see life better. It's a total surrender ... that I'm not gonna be all over asking for sympathy, that I'm not gonna look like I'm going through these tests and is always nervous for the results! Because I totally understand that the world has bigger issues than mine. That I'm just a tiny speck on this lovely, blue planet. That I am just a number. That I am just human classified for her age, sex and race. That I am just a daughter that I owe my parents the happiness they expected when they brought me into this world. That I, will not be afraid anymore of anything.

You know, this life on earth is nothing but a chance, a one-time chance. a Gift for people who have faith that there is a higher being than us. That we are not just sophisticated machineries, but LIVE miracles. I believe in that. I want to. I have to, because in a case like this when you have no other choice but to deal, it is better that you hang on to something BIGGER, STRONGER and more POWERFUL, way beyond human understanding. Because when you have HIM, you can just give it all up and surrender ... and you can go on with your life losing a part of you that's sick and weak.

I know, I'm not the best person to talk about it. I know I'm not religious, but I'm keeping faith. It's just for people who needs more support than what people around them could give. SO, yeah! Bring it on! I'm ready for those needles and probes of my insides! ^-^ 'Hope they get what they were looking for, so I'll live longer and have babies!!!

of childhood and gloomy weathers and CURTAINS, finally!

I said I'd write about India but this super gloomy weather is not making my creative writing juices flow. tsk. I nearly missed my stop on my way to work because I had dozed off. But not to worry, I will still be writing about it as soon as I snap back into the real world ... (e.g. when I'm not staring at the monitor for too long that my eyes can't back away until I already feel half dreaming and making conversations in my head.)

This day, well reminds me of my childhood when we'd make paper boats to float on the puddle that the rain makes, by the old love songs on the radio that we tune in to, while we were young and the stations weren't transmitting very well that it make noises and squeaks when you try adjusting the knobs. Rain and gloomy weathers, remind me of my sister when we would hide underneath a blanket scared of the thunder. While mom prepares rice, noodle soup and dried salted fish. yum. It's a must when the weather is cold to have "tuyo" (dried salted fish), best with sliced tomatoes, salted egg and sardines too!!! oohh! This cold weather is making me hungry!!!

(EY! that was fast, I now got a noodle soup on my desk ... Beef Wanton Soup with siomai! wow. I soo love it, it's warm and spicy and the noodles are perfect. Thanks hubs! I guess I was thinking out loud again! ^-^)

Well, for sure summer is gone now. From all these global warming mess, our summer was cut short that I have been to the beach, only once... ooonly once! How sad. 'could've gone a whole week if I'd known summer will be out by June. tsk. I really don't like rain, but I like drizzles and the cold wind. It's doing us a favor for not having 'airconditioning' at home, that it makes our house cooler than it normally is, while saving up on energy bill. By the way, we got curtains now ... haha ... our own fancy curtains! well, we have "old" ones, 'you know when you just got married ... almost all of your stuff comes from "charity" and each others homes ... so buying just mere curtains is BIG deal. It's our first REAL, lovely curtains ... soft, silky and expensive. We love it ... er... i love it!!! My husband thinks it's not the color he thought I'd choose, he thought I'd pick Blue but hey! I picked a red and white striped, mustard color curtain that has metal rings. Lovely while it hanged at the mall with all the spotlights goi'n, I just had to pick that one. And so I did and couldn't wait for it to get installed that we were drilling in the screws for the curtain rods at the wee hours of the evening... of course I got curtain rods, had to buy it too! Metal but finished in light wood pattern. Perfect!

We only did one window though, because for some reason the one that's near the headboard won't fit my other curtain rod, wont fit like it's SHORT! darn! short. The holes were already there on the walls ready for the rods when we got the apartment, but how come the gap in between the two holes on this side is wider than the other!!! grrr ... I insisted the whole look to be done that night that we spent hours more on trying to make extensions for the rod!!! grr... didn't work. We'll have to try again this weekend. So there, every morning ... I admire our one window with the lovely curtain. How it looks so smooth and expensive. That I wondered if celebrities got one like ours ... because I'd probably wont be buying again anytime soon! So, this had to be something ... (*convincing myself*) really special.

I'm chuckling! ^-^

of OB issues and bookstore

On our way home it was really cold, rainy and dark. We hopped into a cab, where a looove song was being played, we hardly took notice what the song was until it played again ... and again ... and again. OK, so the driver likes the song ... perhaps, looovveeed the song ... that I started to giggle at the back seat while my husband stared at me like: "what?" "what? this is the 3rd time! ... that song" I said half whispering. "yeah, I know" was all my husband had to say, but I know him too well to do a cover up, he's just being nice and is trying to keep it to himself, until we got out of the cab and we started singing. Now and Forever, Air Supply.

He must be a romantic guy, the driver. He's about 50 years old and could he still be inlove? well, why not! It might be his "love song" for the woman he thinks about while we endured the song for 4 times in a row! tsk. tsk. If it's love, I'm all for that!

TODAY... was the appoinment I had with my OB, and I had to say the the wait was more than the time I spent inside the lab where they had given me an ultrasound... what the heck was seen, I don't know ... I had to go back on Thursday for the results ... The doctor was so busy she can't hand me the results right away, she said she needs to do measurements with it.

Right, measure a print of my reproductive insides ... how long would it take? a day?! jeez. I have work. But in these cases, you have to be very careful with your words ... you cannot be too pushy and rough on Doctors, Nurses and Lab Technicians. They could make you really sick if they choose too! haha kidding or give you drugs that will make you think you could walk on the moon! I mean ... well, if it's nothing too serious, I could wait and go back on thursday, No problem.

Anyway, I have here an image of the ultrasound my OB took and no matter how hard I try to visualize things, or see something that's familiar like the shapes you see in Science books, I can't. So, it'll stay in my bag until Thursday. 'Hope it's nothing serious. 'Hope those swirls and stuff looks the same with all women!

hmmn... oh besides OB issues, I have recently visited a bookstore that's really cool because you can read the sample books, they have copies that are opened and are placed in front of the stack of new books for sale. Really cool, you can sit on their couches and if you ran out of couch, you can find yourself a quiet nook inside for reading. Just as long as you don't disturb the one's who are actually buying, it's OK. (uhmm ...what? the concept is not new? ... aarrgghh) Well, I still love Powerbooks (the bookstore) ... It just feels like my highschool library, only that it's a lot well stocked and there's a cafe adjoining it. So ... books and coffee ... who'd hate to be there?

Well, ciao for now. Tomorrow, I'll be talking about India.

all females, are you getting one?

What's for today is what was yesterday, as I'm still here at home not going to work for the 2nd day of my OB-Gyn Tests (how fun!) yeah, whatever. Well, I may be getting the HPV anti-cervical cancer vaccine, yikes. I don't know how long this vaccine had been available that I'm now 28 and I'm just getting one. My mom doesn't even have one nor my sister. My friends just had theirs and I think all women should get one. It has a great promise of keeping women off Cervical Cancer and other cancers that affect womens' reproductive system, 'sounds really good.