ladida...

I wore my "classy-fab" new blouse today at work, paired it with wicked RED pointy heels! WICKED!!! 'Hope I could have new outfits everyday and feel grand!^^ I don't want to go through my closet anymore and wear same old, same old stuff... like the ones I've been wearing for years! I need wardrobe overhaul ... seriously needing one! Like I don't want to wear an outfit TWICE!


brat.


deluded brat.

things will get better ... you'll see.^^

yup I need to relax... breathe MJ, breathe... it's not that bad (it's very bad! ^^) but yeah, I'm calming my senses, I'd be doing crochet and stitch those stresses in those patterns, I already bought lots of yarns and rolled them into balls, maybe something pretty will come out of it, maybe a mean scarf or a pair of mittens after all whenever I feel down and out ... something good and creative comes out of me, way better than I want to think it to be... when will I use those mittens here in my tropical country ... is a problem to be solved later!!!

Well, well ... yes, stress. I don't know why I'm stressed for not having the "same" amount of work as I'm used to. I should be happy and take these moments as "breathing-space" moments, when I get paid for doing ... well ... my desk is uncluttered for days, that says so much about how busy my schedule is! I've put up a fan page for our office on facebook, I guess that counts as work too, wont it?


I should not take it personally, I am friends with my boss, we were together in a team to the US and had those really good bonding moments, teaching me how to park without scratching the neighbor's car as I'm used to wide spaced parking lots but there, we have to park inches apart which ... I'm so not doing regularly, because I swear I could hit both cars on my left and right really goooood! Making those insurances cry!


But that was before I am under his team now. Which causes strain to our friendship. I really want to be his friend, as much as he is to my husband and among other friends. But we "cannot" ... it's true what they say, I used to NOT believe that we should avoid working with our friends, our spouse or relative but now I know why. It's really hard to not get personal when your working habits is not in the same level, or if your understanding of the work is not the same ... it gets personal. That's why ... yeah, maybe we could put our friendship past this project. I know, 'sounds stupid ... it's doesn't seem like REAL friendship but I do believe we cannot BUILD real friendships at the work especially with your boss anymore ... "COULD" but not for me now. It's not the same. Friendships are hurt by work, though I'm not sure if it would really hurt to my marriage if I happen to work with my husband ... but a strong part of me says it WONT. We're a team, we've always been!

anyway, complaining wont make it any better, filing a descrimination case would make it worse than losing the friendship itself... (I wasn't serious at that thought!) So I sit here, fiddle with my pens, write e-mails to friends, rationalizing, munching on snacks for the -nth time, totter back and forth the hallway feeling the weight of "uselessness" on my favorite choco brown flats ... why would I even care wearing my best? Doing my eyeliner for 10 minutes when the only exposure I get is when getting a print out of the printer!!! No meetings, no discussions, lousy, lousy walk to the printer and that's it... dread.

Oh well, I might as well buy more yarns, you can never get enough yarns to make you happy! ^^

Polvoron

This is how Polvoron usually *should* look like (photo credit MM del Rosario)

I'll be feeding my friends at work with home-made Polvoron, of course I made them! Who's home do you expect it to come from? haha... I know, you won't believe me but I can do a mean Polvoron ...it's easy, that's why! ^^

Polvoron is just a mix of flour, milk, butter and sugar over a low-heat fire, it's like eating white-sand but sweet! I love Polvoron, it usually comes wrapped in colorful paper, shaped like ..."how candies are supposed to look like" wrapper twisted on both sides to seal it... but I had a hard time using the mould that makes it round ... so I made cones and just shove the sand-like sweet inside, stuffed it good and taped it closed. EASY eh?! ^^ I know, my friends are not accustomed to Polvoron wrapped this way ... but who cares? It tastes GOOD!

Mine. ^^

some drama

...and so I'm back from outer space ... na na na na na.... i don't know the rest of the lyrics so leave it! I was really trying to make time but my schedule has been sooo crazy for the past week that I was holding my thoughts up to the brim that it's starting to spill a few that some colleagues have noticed me talking too fast with so many things to say ... arrgh. I know, it's usually either I talk too much or my fingers type fast. I wont pretend to be a quiet, graceful, quiet, gentle, quiet being because I'm not. I get tired too... AND I know, my work has been lousy... I'm slacking off a bit ... a LOT last week... I dunno... I'm burned out. I'm tired, but needs to work. Somehow, inspiration hasn't hit me like it usually does whenever a new project comes up... that I get excited and wants to work on it and see the project through. But this time, I don't know. This is our very first in my country, in the nearby city ... I should take pride on working on it but ... tsk. I literally have to drag my feet to work...

I'm not a good example to live by for now. Because I've misplaced my usual energetic, driven self. sorry.