go ahead make my day!

darn it! I slipped and fell at our office lobby with 20+ people shrieking like I wont make it there alive! ... and twice!

xxx

back in 1938

Manila pre-war.

There is a bridge on this video, called the Jones Bridge that has a sculpture that looked familiar to me. I'm not sure if the sculpture still exists, but as I saw it on this video I knew I've seen a similar sculpture somewhere. So, I searched through my photos and opened some that I took in New York a year ago and VIOLA!!!

Here's the photo I took outside the New York Library on May, 2008

and here's the part where I saw the "similar" sculpture ... Manila, 1938. That's pretty awesome isn't it?! ^^ Though there are variations, somehow it's odd to me that a naked man with hands on his face be a subject of a sculpture twice at different cities and different timelines. Anyway, let the video take you back in time. Enjoy!

of mothers,brothers and daughters

Sleep was tooo bad but it was because I got pretty excited my mom and brother is coming over to visit. So we spent the night, tidying up our place, skewing and moving about furnitures to see if the place would get any larger (?!) But nah! urban-apartment living can't get any better ... (yeah, in-a-bad-way.) Space is just too precious around here, that I haven't seen too many places with large rooms, except maybe if you live around those expensive villages with security, or Condos that cost millions, yeah ... you'll get your space! But for us, as typical-hard-working members of society, who had happen to live in the province all our lives until work ... WE get this place. Where one could see the whole house by just standing at the door step. ^^ Anyway, for starters, this is OK. It's accessible to the office, grocery, church, hospital, parks, museums. YES, getting a place like this with all the amenities close by is tough, so we stick around though we are lacking room for my closet alone!


Anyway, that's not really why I'm here. I know I haven't written anything for 2 days ...'been very, very busy at work, 'been sick all the time and had lots of stresses lately. BUT, here I am alive and will sort things through. promise. I wont be hiding away from the world and not communicating, especially with my Doctor who had to see me for my test results, but I did not make it because we were rushing on things at work that I had to work overtime while having the flu. aaarrrggghhh....

Beautiful just beautiful how my world is just so crowded right now, with lots of things going on that I'm starting to feel tired and crumbling inside. and I just wonder what more for others who have worse? ... how do you deal when your body is your enemy?! There is no escape...

Well for that, when you can't seem to get away ... we have mothers and brothers who'd make you realize that you still belong. That besides having a life of your own and the love of your own, after leaving the house and tried finding yourself, YOU will only realize that finding yourself is better when you have your ground.

That yes, I was like the others who wanted to go as far from home as possible to be my own person. BUT lately ... at 28 ( too soon?) I realize that I'm becoming more and more of the person that my "mother" is!!! ... the way I talk, the way I run my marriage ... (hehe), the way I act on certain things kinda resembles my mother, even at times that I hated to react on it that way! I am going to be like my mother (I figured.) 'tried to deny it for sooo many years that I will NOT be like her (on some things) BUT I am becoming ... HER.

Will I ever avoid it? avoid it, YES. Stopping it? NO. I think it will go on and on in the family, for as long as there are women in the family, YES! haha. I think my sister does too ...'think that she has some characters instilled in her by growing up in the same house and having the same values, she too will have our mother's character in some ways ... BUT I think she's a subtle version of her, she's got all the good side ... of being nurturing and loving, of being smart and confident. While I ... I don't know exactly what I got but my husband does tell me ...

-"you are sounding like your mother each time ..." (yikes! haha)

-"Oh, I'll tell her you said that" and he's like,

- "why? what's wrong with sounding like your mother?"

... haha, Oh, I know what he means by that! BUT, mothers ... I appreciate them more now that I find myself being at the place where I want to be (working my way into the BIG city), now that I spend my own cash and buying toiletries, kitchen and "carpentry" stuff ... all the none "glamorous" plumbing stuff, that only mothers wouldn't mind shopping for... I appreciate them more now that I live away from our family house that I just miss home cooking ... err ... wait, my dad cooks! He does the cooking all the time!!! (because he cooks better!) haha ... and now that home cooking means "my" cooking, it's not the same. Home cooking is always the best, because I get fed without having to worry how it happened!

hmmnnn... mother.... i cannot thank you enough! So, where does the brother come in this tale? Well, brothers are like brothers ... they just come and eat and play and do housework. I'm close with my brother, he's like the male version of me ... only that, he's more... cool and relaxed. I watched him grow, he's just a baby in 1986 and now he's 6 ft. 1 inch tall, and trying to find his way into this world... finishing University and looking for a job ... well, I hope he finds it easy ...I hope the world wont be as bad as I know it is for some, I hope he gets his goals right ... because he loses focus at times ...'spending lots of nights with the boys out and that's what he's gotta learn how to control ... his time! Well, I'm sure he'll figure things out and I'm sure he's gonna be OK as life goes. He deserves good stuff 'cuz he's a nice guy.

Wrapping things up! I'm glad they are here, because when I get exhausted with life, I can be just a daughter taking orders from my mother like the way it's supposed to, even if it's my house our culture says that whoever is the oldest person in the house rules!!! so ... i'm chilli'n, i'm just a daughter and my husband is just a son, we are all kids in this house as long as there's a mother!

we are all somebody's child for life afterall.

Here comes Santa in May!

Today I have a mission to buy the coolest gifts for a 2 year old birthday girl, Nikka and a 30 year old, single and "hot" lady, Liza. haha... she likes that! Anyway, I was thinking of giving a Dora, the explorer DVD to the little girl, because she loves to watch these interactive kid shows ... I do watch them too, it's colorful and I love answering to them because I know all the answers! haha ... To my friend Liza, she'll probably get a book because she haven't read the Shopaholic and Sister by Sophie Kinsella yet! 'Love her or hate her but she's out there and I do find her writing entertaining though sometimes the heroine gets a little to whiny, yeah like whining all the time which I think is ... very, very me and of course if there is another me and she's writing about her, we could be thousands of readers in the world thinking that the book is about her... well ... uhmm... ok just don't mind that!

But I'm going to give her the book because it has no pressure on the head, like you don't have to be all poetic or imaginative and ... investigative to be able to understand the characters and the scenarios, because believe me! in our line of work, the last thing you want in a book is the one that'll give you complexities and mind boggling endings... or tragedy, the worst of all!

So, it's light, romantic, drama that I'll give her since she is sort of a "hopeless romantic" and member of the N.B.S.B, as she calls it ... N.B.S.B (No Boyfriend Since Birth) that is. haha... oh she laughs about it like it doesn't matter but actually she does mind that Mr. Right isn't here yet to sweep her off her feet ... maybe here but we're not sure who among here?! ... Anyway, she's had some guys wanting to go out with her, there was this Croatian guy, an Italian guy ... yeah, she traveled with me once and boy! was she hot among the guys of the foreign land!!! haha ... but well ... she's not entertaining them, I think she still prefers a Filipino guy, though nothing's wrong with being with someone not Filipino, I think it's more of a cultural thing ... it's probably difficult to relate with someone who's raised in a different environment, culture, values and "language" ... it does work for others but you know, it's hers and as long as she's happy, foreign or not, we're here for her!

Anyway, I have to go work now and help out the economy! haha... ciao for now, I'll tell you later about the gifts I bought... Ooohhh! by the way though, another friend has celebrated her birthday and my present was a limited edition magazine about her favorite movie star, (you know that one who secretly got married! haha) well, it's a magazine about her, absolutely all about her! That she shrieked in excitement when she saw it on top of her desk along with a mug and some of my favorite Forest Fruit Tea, that I'd like her to try ... 'cuz she will love the flavour! ...and I wrote: Enjoy the mag. and the mug!

I love all my friends. Especially the birthday girls!

So really, this is ciao!

i love my mom.

There are times when you feel ultra tough as if you can go out any day and conquer the world ... and then there are times when "mums" visit and your whole tough world becomes vulnerable from nostalgic childhood moments and "how long have you been gone not to see her age?" ringing in your conscience ...

Within the family, I'm the only one who has left our old, sleepy town to the big city in chase of my dreams ... well, I ended up NOT having a bad dream and NOT having too much of a dream either ... it's just the whole corporate system that's gotten hold of me...and if I weren't employed and have the freedom to do whatever I please and get a stable pay out of it, I'd be an artist!!! I'd be an artist that gets paid, though not selling her art ... but gets paid! That is my dream job! an art that is just for visual but not for keeps! It's just hard to give away something that feels like you've given birth to ... so, I guess by that, I should keep my job now ....

Anyway,this morning mum and I have decided that I wont take her anymore to the bus terminal where she'd ride home to our province 'cuz I'll be at work since it's Monday. I then took her to a store where she said she'd buy something and I would be crossing a street to where I'd ride... the moment I moved a few steps away and seeing her not going inside the store but is looking out for me to cross the street ... I felt weak. I knew I'd be crying ... but I held my tears of course! I had to be the strong, independent person that she knows I am ... though I knew that she too wished that I would not GO. It didn't take long for me to hold back the tears ... as I arrived the office I went straight to my friend's desk and sobbed! Like a girl whose mum had left her in school and she doesn't want to be in school!!! The thought of her standing there and her face that I never really saw had aged made me feel so guilty and shallow. I could never bring back lost times and how I wish we never have to grow old!

So, I had to go back and filed a half-day leave. This is my mum. She came here for me, I cannot just drop her off and let her find her way! I took her to the bus station and before that we had a snack and shared a few more time together, at least when she had to leave for home, she wont feel as sad as she did this morning...and I too, felt better.

I love my mom and my dad too!