i love my mom.

There are times when you feel ultra tough as if you can go out any day and conquer the world ... and then there are times when "mums" visit and your whole tough world becomes vulnerable from nostalgic childhood moments and "how long have you been gone not to see her age?" ringing in your conscience ...

Within the family, I'm the only one who has left our old, sleepy town to the big city in chase of my dreams ... well, I ended up NOT having a bad dream and NOT having too much of a dream either ... it's just the whole corporate system that's gotten hold of me...and if I weren't employed and have the freedom to do whatever I please and get a stable pay out of it, I'd be an artist!!! I'd be an artist that gets paid, though not selling her art ... but gets paid! That is my dream job! an art that is just for visual but not for keeps! It's just hard to give away something that feels like you've given birth to ... so, I guess by that, I should keep my job now ....

Anyway,this morning mum and I have decided that I wont take her anymore to the bus terminal where she'd ride home to our province 'cuz I'll be at work since it's Monday. I then took her to a store where she said she'd buy something and I would be crossing a street to where I'd ride... the moment I moved a few steps away and seeing her not going inside the store but is looking out for me to cross the street ... I felt weak. I knew I'd be crying ... but I held my tears of course! I had to be the strong, independent person that she knows I am ... though I knew that she too wished that I would not GO. It didn't take long for me to hold back the tears ... as I arrived the office I went straight to my friend's desk and sobbed! Like a girl whose mum had left her in school and she doesn't want to be in school!!! The thought of her standing there and her face that I never really saw had aged made me feel so guilty and shallow. I could never bring back lost times and how I wish we never have to grow old!

So, I had to go back and filed a half-day leave. This is my mum. She came here for me, I cannot just drop her off and let her find her way! I took her to the bus station and before that we had a snack and shared a few more time together, at least when she had to leave for home, she wont feel as sad as she did this morning...and I too, felt better.

I love my mom and my dad too!