oh happy days!

The light of day just happened for me! ^^ I'm now back to being a lover of life... that was fast?! I was just fuming mad hours ago and now, I'm a huggablle-lovable care bear! Well, human as we are, we're complicated ... woman as I am, I'm far more complicated. I now truly believe that we are tweaked in a certain way that we cannot really contest among men. We're all goddesses ... it's our right to be. Excuse my hormones but that just did those whining rant on my previous posts, it wasn't entirely me, it's my evil side...har.har. I have an evil side and if I have it, every woman with hormones has one! be afraid now. We go berzerk! ^^ kidding. Well, moments like these happen when I just hate some people for their guts, when there are also times when I like people with guts! Depends on what time of the day you caught me ... just don't, when it's around 3 pm because that's when I'm running autopilot, my brain is half asleep, especially at non-busy times like now...

But things are looking up, I'm now working on a layout, a revision. I recently got installed with Autocad 2008, it's ancient for some who has been using it for more than a year, like my husband who laughs at me whenever I use the COPY command and I click away, because when you do and doesn't need those lot, it makes copies over and over! ^^ I have to practice, I'm a lover of all things old and conventional but yes, I will try. I like the way it zooms in and out in 2008 so that's a good sign that I'm moving on forward to Autocad 2008!

So cheers to a happy life!

things will get better ... you'll see.^^

yup I need to relax... breathe MJ, breathe... it's not that bad (it's very bad! ^^) but yeah, I'm calming my senses, I'd be doing crochet and stitch those stresses in those patterns, I already bought lots of yarns and rolled them into balls, maybe something pretty will come out of it, maybe a mean scarf or a pair of mittens after all whenever I feel down and out ... something good and creative comes out of me, way better than I want to think it to be... when will I use those mittens here in my tropical country ... is a problem to be solved later!!!

Well, well ... yes, stress. I don't know why I'm stressed for not having the "same" amount of work as I'm used to. I should be happy and take these moments as "breathing-space" moments, when I get paid for doing ... well ... my desk is uncluttered for days, that says so much about how busy my schedule is! I've put up a fan page for our office on facebook, I guess that counts as work too, wont it?


I should not take it personally, I am friends with my boss, we were together in a team to the US and had those really good bonding moments, teaching me how to park without scratching the neighbor's car as I'm used to wide spaced parking lots but there, we have to park inches apart which ... I'm so not doing regularly, because I swear I could hit both cars on my left and right really goooood! Making those insurances cry!


But that was before I am under his team now. Which causes strain to our friendship. I really want to be his friend, as much as he is to my husband and among other friends. But we "cannot" ... it's true what they say, I used to NOT believe that we should avoid working with our friends, our spouse or relative but now I know why. It's really hard to not get personal when your working habits is not in the same level, or if your understanding of the work is not the same ... it gets personal. That's why ... yeah, maybe we could put our friendship past this project. I know, 'sounds stupid ... it's doesn't seem like REAL friendship but I do believe we cannot BUILD real friendships at the work especially with your boss anymore ... "COULD" but not for me now. It's not the same. Friendships are hurt by work, though I'm not sure if it would really hurt to my marriage if I happen to work with my husband ... but a strong part of me says it WONT. We're a team, we've always been!

anyway, complaining wont make it any better, filing a descrimination case would make it worse than losing the friendship itself... (I wasn't serious at that thought!) So I sit here, fiddle with my pens, write e-mails to friends, rationalizing, munching on snacks for the -nth time, totter back and forth the hallway feeling the weight of "uselessness" on my favorite choco brown flats ... why would I even care wearing my best? Doing my eyeliner for 10 minutes when the only exposure I get is when getting a print out of the printer!!! No meetings, no discussions, lousy, lousy walk to the printer and that's it... dread.

Oh well, I might as well buy more yarns, you can never get enough yarns to make you happy! ^^

BIG GIRLS DON"T CRY....they wail!

ok no more patronizing looks, I'm fine. It's not enough that I wasn't invited for the site visit yesterday that I'm not invited too for the meeting this morning. I'm soooo not liking this. I will charge them with sexual discrimination eventually, if the reason why I can't go to the site is because I'm a WOMAN and my boss doesn't want those stares when I walk in. That really makes me mad now ... I didn't make those drawings so others could read them for me, I am a MATCH for these guys and they just wont let me get the same opportunity just because I'm a GIRL??? WTF. Well, that's how far I'm reading it ... for as long as I've been working in this industry that they always give me the "girly" things to do whenever there's a choice between a technical drawing and typing on an excel file, they'd give me the "typing" on the excel file and the guy who's in level with me gets the drawing ... why??? just because I'm a GIRL???!!! I don't want "comforts!" if it means that I wont be able to prove myself. I'm not perfect, I'm not the best ... but don't magnify my mistakes just because "again" I'm a GIRL! and they don't expect us to be technical! WOW. 5 years in the Design and Engineering Department, I've been to Italy, the US and Thailand doing what I do (technical stuff) and here? Now? this comes up?!!! Why??? oh why???!!! I'm not perfect, I'm not the best, but I'm NOT STUPID, I know what you're trying to do ... but I won't let you!

goodbyes are not all SAD!

'Much that I want to be around and take care of my followers and be as friendly as possible without having to BLOCK one ... I just did and I'm not sorry! This is not a "for adults only" site, this is for the lovers of life, for genuine, talented people!!! ... I'd like to have followers but if you will put up naked photos of yourself or anyone else in your avatar as it appears on my wall, you're OUT! ... and I mean OUT!!!

>>my girl Cyril<<

the girl @ the center in Stripes is Cyril @ my wedding. 'You go girl!

We're letting her pack her belongings and bid us all goodbye, we're NOT stopping her at all. GO! NOW!

She's young, smart and beautiful, it's just so right for her to seize every opportunity that comes her way, and so she will, starting off in Singapore. One of our structural engineers at 23, she's got a bright future ahead having that ambition and confidence, she will go far! I think it's also the independence that she seeks if not the most ... as you know here,it's not usual to go independent even if you're earning your own money for as long as you are not married and you work within the same city you grew up in, living with your parents is highly acceptable EVEN when you're forty!

So yes! As a supporter for indepedence and independent women, I agree with her going for her dreams and taking on new challenges in life. I myself have left home for work in a BIGGER CITY, already 24 that time but still got a chance to be independent with my money, my time and decisions. I do miss my parents and siblings a lot, especially dad's cooking but you see it makes us better as a person in many ways, to be by ourselves and tend to our own needs ... while "of course" whenever I want, I can go visit my home town and stay with my parents. It's a Miley Cyrus song, "you get the Best of Both Worlds..." ^^

So now, I can only wish my girl Cyril the best, she's got what it takes to make it BIG wherever she goes! We're all happy for her.^^

Polvoron

This is how Polvoron usually *should* look like (photo credit MM del Rosario)

I'll be feeding my friends at work with home-made Polvoron, of course I made them! Who's home do you expect it to come from? haha... I know, you won't believe me but I can do a mean Polvoron ...it's easy, that's why! ^^

Polvoron is just a mix of flour, milk, butter and sugar over a low-heat fire, it's like eating white-sand but sweet! I love Polvoron, it usually comes wrapped in colorful paper, shaped like ..."how candies are supposed to look like" wrapper twisted on both sides to seal it... but I had a hard time using the mould that makes it round ... so I made cones and just shove the sand-like sweet inside, stuffed it good and taped it closed. EASY eh?! ^^ I know, my friends are not accustomed to Polvoron wrapped this way ... but who cares? It tastes GOOD!

Mine. ^^

I am watching you.

---

And in the midst of 2 controversies that should topple off the present administration from its seat and choke on the bill for expensive dinners that they had, we're like orphaned children not sure of what to do, where to go and who to trust. How do we put ourselves together after a loss of a good leader? She would have known what to do, she would have called upon people to step up against the abusive use of power and corruption, against insensitivity. That while these people we call "public servants" dine for a few hours that costed over a million pesos, an old man unable to fend for himself died last night of HUNGER... it costed him his life to have NOTHING. No food, no shelter. HUNGER, it is a cruel way to die ... to be deprived of a BASIC necessity for living, it is disturbing.

It was on the news, that man. That I was teary eyed for such a sad news. That I, having the prevelige to eat "more" than 3 times a day and could choose to control when to eat merely for " dieting" or "losing weight" feels so guilty for the food that I have not properly consumed or have left to stale. If I feel this way, I suppose these PEOPLE that we put into power feel worse for having failed in their DUTY... but who believes that they do??? NOBODY. They'd probably just consider him as part of statistics, people die. They've been burying people who live on the streets for years. He is no different.

That thought just made me sick to the stomach.

We are like orphans ... we needed that voice, we needed that someone who would say the opinion of the masses out loud and without fear. She would have spoken our truth and reason. But she is gone ... I know. This is the 3rd time that I've mentioned of bidding goodbye to her. Accepting reality that without her and the people who walked beside her, we must carry on with our OWN VOICE. We no longer have that someone who will do it for us...that while I go to work and continue living life as I know it with parties and karaoke. She and people like her, rally on the streets, hold press conferences, risk their lives for our causes. We cannot sit still and watch the world go 'round without IT noticing US... and though the STREETS are still too overwhelming for me to take, I will start with myself and mean to change my life for others. I wont be SELFISH. I promise.

I have every right to be heard because 30% of my monthly salary goes to tax! (eyes rolling...) and I wont let some dirty politician take VIP parking spaces!!! or get VIP services when we pay the same!!! Being in POWER is NOT a RIGHT but a PRIVELIGE, a TRUST given by the PEOPLE. It is a job, a commitment ... it is NOT a free BANK account!!! You owe your POWER to the people, you ARE NOTHING without the PEOPLE and if you don't believe in this you probably have STOLEN your way to get up there.