'gone sketching today

apples ... not yet ripe to eat! ^-^, oil pastel on paper.

Going under the knife. If only I'm a getting nose job!

'was out yesterday and again went to the Doctor. This time I got ECG in prep for the "tissue extraction" I'm undergoing for biopsy... it's just a minor surgery as my Doc said... but 'ya know, hearing the word surgery is like "whoa!" whether it's minor or major or whatever key it is ... uhmm ... haha.

Anyway, yeah of course I'm scared. I would be lying if I say I'm brave and I'm confident that many had had it and the risks are very low. I'm shivering inside, I just don't show it 'cuz hey! it's MINOR! 30 minutes and it's done. grrr... why am I so being negative?! I'm worried! Maybe it's the whole "putting-me-to-sleep" that's scary. I hate being not in control of things and not being able to know while I'm asleep. silly me! of course I don't see myself sleeping, has anyone have? weird!

It's the idea that I'd be put out of conscious while people I don't really know are around. Though it's a guaranteed 1st class hospital with celebrities and high profile people go to.heehee (thanks to my health card, I got access.) still... if only I could get around with it! I would.

hmmn... well, let's just pray things will work out fine and I'm sure you will all be there for me, in thoughts and in spirit. My husband and my mom will be there for me definitely! I'd never go to the hospital alone. NEVER.

ooopppsss. time to cut this short. I have a dinner with my hubby and our boss tonight! so... see ya later!

you light up our lives

Just a few minutes ago, we've finally fixed the curtain rod that goes on the window that has drilled holes that were too wide apart, thus making the rod short. How? Oh we gave it an extension made from bamboo sticks. Hardly visible when the curtain was up and is covering the joint. Brilliant! I so love it up there! I wanted it so bad to get fixed that whatever we could use to solve the problem, we tried it all!

Anyway, what's up with the lamp? We are getting that one from Regalong Pambahay, we chose a different color though, we're going for Light Brown, almost Khaki. To compliment our dark, mustard curtain. Now all we have to do is start boxing up some things that we will later rearrange, once all the "major" stuff are in place, (e.g. cabinets and containers) whew! The thrills of a newly married life.

Best time to Quit.

'Went to see the result of my ultrasound today and it was as brief as I expected it to be, as my Gynecologist have always made me wait longer than the consulation itself. I arrived 3o minutes earlier and she arrived 30 minutes late. I'm pissed. Yes, I am. I want to find another OB only for that reason. I don't know if she's just straightforward that I'm not quick enought to catch a phrase that she darts at me or she's just ... brief. As I said it a million times to anyone who asks me what the Doctor has had to say. brief. AND why not ask questions? ... yeah why not? Because I don't know what to ask, I'm sooo lost. I know, that my result has revealed a thickening of my endometrium that she needed to sample it and have a biopsy. It could be something serious, it could be not. It could be something bearable, it could be ... *sigh* We are not going there, I'm already nervous and scared as I can be with the procedures that I'm having. I had an X-ray and ... again 'have to be back 'cuz the result will come out this Saturday. I hate waiting. But it's how it works, it's not like I'm the only person in the world who has come to see a Doctor! So we'll wait.

Anyway, I have been loving all good things about life that I may have the tiniest thing to worry about. I can't be so selfish and give people around me the attitude just because I'm carrying around a thickened endometrium! I mean look! The sky is all gray and is bursting into cold rain every 2 hours, people get wet, get stuck in traffic, walk in flood wetting their shoes and socks on ... people do have other things on their own and I cannot be selfish. Bottomline is: If I begin hating life for why I'm bleeding and sick, I'd get nowhere but to sit and cry and let the good life pass by me! We will all have to deal with sickness anyway at some point in our lives. Some would make it through and some wouldn't. It is selfishness to not let go and wanting to live forever, that's why we should learn how to accept that life for others will go on and that the world will keep on going with or without us.

So if my lab tests are worse than I ever expected. This is Quitting. This is quitting for a quitter that is not going to wallow on the bitter side of life. But is quitting for others to see life better. It's a total surrender ... that I'm not gonna be all over asking for sympathy, that I'm not gonna look like I'm going through these tests and is always nervous for the results! Because I totally understand that the world has bigger issues than mine. That I'm just a tiny speck on this lovely, blue planet. That I am just a number. That I am just human classified for her age, sex and race. That I am just a daughter that I owe my parents the happiness they expected when they brought me into this world. That I, will not be afraid anymore of anything.

You know, this life on earth is nothing but a chance, a one-time chance. a Gift for people who have faith that there is a higher being than us. That we are not just sophisticated machineries, but LIVE miracles. I believe in that. I want to. I have to, because in a case like this when you have no other choice but to deal, it is better that you hang on to something BIGGER, STRONGER and more POWERFUL, way beyond human understanding. Because when you have HIM, you can just give it all up and surrender ... and you can go on with your life losing a part of you that's sick and weak.

I know, I'm not the best person to talk about it. I know I'm not religious, but I'm keeping faith. It's just for people who needs more support than what people around them could give. SO, yeah! Bring it on! I'm ready for those needles and probes of my insides! ^-^ 'Hope they get what they were looking for, so I'll live longer and have babies!!!

of childhood and gloomy weathers and CURTAINS, finally!

I said I'd write about India but this super gloomy weather is not making my creative writing juices flow. tsk. I nearly missed my stop on my way to work because I had dozed off. But not to worry, I will still be writing about it as soon as I snap back into the real world ... (e.g. when I'm not staring at the monitor for too long that my eyes can't back away until I already feel half dreaming and making conversations in my head.)

This day, well reminds me of my childhood when we'd make paper boats to float on the puddle that the rain makes, by the old love songs on the radio that we tune in to, while we were young and the stations weren't transmitting very well that it make noises and squeaks when you try adjusting the knobs. Rain and gloomy weathers, remind me of my sister when we would hide underneath a blanket scared of the thunder. While mom prepares rice, noodle soup and dried salted fish. yum. It's a must when the weather is cold to have "tuyo" (dried salted fish), best with sliced tomatoes, salted egg and sardines too!!! oohh! This cold weather is making me hungry!!!

(EY! that was fast, I now got a noodle soup on my desk ... Beef Wanton Soup with siomai! wow. I soo love it, it's warm and spicy and the noodles are perfect. Thanks hubs! I guess I was thinking out loud again! ^-^)

Well, for sure summer is gone now. From all these global warming mess, our summer was cut short that I have been to the beach, only once... ooonly once! How sad. 'could've gone a whole week if I'd known summer will be out by June. tsk. I really don't like rain, but I like drizzles and the cold wind. It's doing us a favor for not having 'airconditioning' at home, that it makes our house cooler than it normally is, while saving up on energy bill. By the way, we got curtains now ... haha ... our own fancy curtains! well, we have "old" ones, 'you know when you just got married ... almost all of your stuff comes from "charity" and each others homes ... so buying just mere curtains is BIG deal. It's our first REAL, lovely curtains ... soft, silky and expensive. We love it ... er... i love it!!! My husband thinks it's not the color he thought I'd choose, he thought I'd pick Blue but hey! I picked a red and white striped, mustard color curtain that has metal rings. Lovely while it hanged at the mall with all the spotlights goi'n, I just had to pick that one. And so I did and couldn't wait for it to get installed that we were drilling in the screws for the curtain rods at the wee hours of the evening... of course I got curtain rods, had to buy it too! Metal but finished in light wood pattern. Perfect!

We only did one window though, because for some reason the one that's near the headboard won't fit my other curtain rod, wont fit like it's SHORT! darn! short. The holes were already there on the walls ready for the rods when we got the apartment, but how come the gap in between the two holes on this side is wider than the other!!! grrr ... I insisted the whole look to be done that night that we spent hours more on trying to make extensions for the rod!!! grr... didn't work. We'll have to try again this weekend. So there, every morning ... I admire our one window with the lovely curtain. How it looks so smooth and expensive. That I wondered if celebrities got one like ours ... because I'd probably wont be buying again anytime soon! So, this had to be something ... (*convincing myself*) really special.

I'm chuckling! ^-^

of OB issues and bookstore

On our way home it was really cold, rainy and dark. We hopped into a cab, where a looove song was being played, we hardly took notice what the song was until it played again ... and again ... and again. OK, so the driver likes the song ... perhaps, looovveeed the song ... that I started to giggle at the back seat while my husband stared at me like: "what?" "what? this is the 3rd time! ... that song" I said half whispering. "yeah, I know" was all my husband had to say, but I know him too well to do a cover up, he's just being nice and is trying to keep it to himself, until we got out of the cab and we started singing. Now and Forever, Air Supply.

He must be a romantic guy, the driver. He's about 50 years old and could he still be inlove? well, why not! It might be his "love song" for the woman he thinks about while we endured the song for 4 times in a row! tsk. tsk. If it's love, I'm all for that!

TODAY... was the appoinment I had with my OB, and I had to say the the wait was more than the time I spent inside the lab where they had given me an ultrasound... what the heck was seen, I don't know ... I had to go back on Thursday for the results ... The doctor was so busy she can't hand me the results right away, she said she needs to do measurements with it.

Right, measure a print of my reproductive insides ... how long would it take? a day?! jeez. I have work. But in these cases, you have to be very careful with your words ... you cannot be too pushy and rough on Doctors, Nurses and Lab Technicians. They could make you really sick if they choose too! haha kidding or give you drugs that will make you think you could walk on the moon! I mean ... well, if it's nothing too serious, I could wait and go back on thursday, No problem.

Anyway, I have here an image of the ultrasound my OB took and no matter how hard I try to visualize things, or see something that's familiar like the shapes you see in Science books, I can't. So, it'll stay in my bag until Thursday. 'Hope it's nothing serious. 'Hope those swirls and stuff looks the same with all women!

hmmn... oh besides OB issues, I have recently visited a bookstore that's really cool because you can read the sample books, they have copies that are opened and are placed in front of the stack of new books for sale. Really cool, you can sit on their couches and if you ran out of couch, you can find yourself a quiet nook inside for reading. Just as long as you don't disturb the one's who are actually buying, it's OK. (uhmm ...what? the concept is not new? ... aarrgghh) Well, I still love Powerbooks (the bookstore) ... It just feels like my highschool library, only that it's a lot well stocked and there's a cafe adjoining it. So ... books and coffee ... who'd hate to be there?

Well, ciao for now. Tomorrow, I'll be talking about India.

all females, are you getting one?

What's for today is what was yesterday, as I'm still here at home not going to work for the 2nd day of my OB-Gyn Tests (how fun!) yeah, whatever. Well, I may be getting the HPV anti-cervical cancer vaccine, yikes. I don't know how long this vaccine had been available that I'm now 28 and I'm just getting one. My mom doesn't even have one nor my sister. My friends just had theirs and I think all women should get one. It has a great promise of keeping women off Cervical Cancer and other cancers that affect womens' reproductive system, 'sounds really good.